Finding the Process

I had a breakthrough a couple of years ago. Maybe two? So, summer of 2018? Maybe…the date is fuzzy. But, I clearly remember that Adam had a bride show that day. It was at the end of July. A nice summer afternoon, a Sunday. So, because he had a bride show, I went to the park. Brought a journal, brought a book on how to make handmade books. I felt determined. I had ideas floating around in my head that I hadn’t been able to bring out in regards to bookbinding. I was frustrated. I wanted to learn how to make books and make them WELL. Not just using cardboard from a cereal box in lieu of Davey board because I didn’t want to buy the real stuff, or thought I couldn’t afford it. If you don’t have proper materials, how can you really learn?

That summer afternoon I felt frustrated and determined. I took my journal, my blanket, my handmade book book, my water bottle, probably my Bible, maybe a novel (Because that’s what I do) and sat in the park with my back against a tree (Again, something I just do. It’s my place).

Looking at the book on books. “Maybe I should just start at the beginning again….”, I thought.

But NO! I mean, really. I’ve been wanting to learn how to do this properly and I had, over the past few years, already gone through the book, from the beginning, and tried each binding at least once. Using cereal box cardboard and random paper bits I had lying around, sewing thread in place of linen thread, etc. Enough is enough.

“No…I don’t need to start at the beginning. Besides, although folding paper and books is a good way to start, I’ve done it. I’ve done it off and on over the years, I don’t need to start at the beginning yet again.”

So, I flipped to where the coptic bound books were. The multi-signatures on a rounded spine. The long stitch. The coptic with paired needles. The secret belgian. I wrote down what books I wanted to try. Like, for real, try.

It was a breakthrough for me. It was as if I suddenly realized that I CAN do this. The desire is already there, it’s just saying that I have laid a foundation already and that I can build on that foundation. It don’t have to go back to the start and start all over again.

So, over the course of the next year or so I did get some proper Davey board, some real linen thread, etc. And I worked through making the books that I had written down that day. And I got better. Slowly at first. I made practice journals. I took out a few books on making books from the library and that helped to glean ideas and skill from. In fact, I got one book on sewing crafts from crafters around the world and in it was a bookbinder from England who made the loveliest books. Following her instructions in that specific book transformed my books from thin ones (Say, 6 signatures, 16 pg folio each) to thicker ones (10 signatures, 24 pg folio). The difference was dramatic. It felt REAL. It felt weighty. It felt like I was holding something that was WORTH something. There was nothing wrong with the thinner books, but they were just…thin. Lightweight. Small. But these thicker ones…oh, my!

And from there…now that I had a process of making the book block; a nice, thick, heavy book block…the covers started taking place. THIS is what I had in my head that needed to come out. I’ve always loved sewing, loved fabric, loved prints, colors…especially vintage, upcycled fabric. Love. How can I merge my love of bookmaking AND my love of upcyced fabric?

Iron on adhesive changed that for me. I feel like ‘real’ bookbinders, ones who use archival materials and leather and all that fancy stuff (Which is super cool and maybe one day I’ll work with leather and neat stuff like that) would probably faint dead away (But don’t! We need you!!) at the thought of iron on adhesive being used to make bookcloth and actually call it quality bookbinding (But maybe this is just me and I need to get over myself?!??), but using iron on adhesive has seriously, again, transformed my book making process. I love it. Now I CAN merge my love of making books and upcycled, vintage fabric and have the result be super, super satisfying. For SO LONG I have looked for the HOW, the PROCESS, my OWN process of how I make books. My signature style. This process that I do to get what I’m thinking in my head out into the world (Birthing an idea). And, dare I say it, I’ve found it. Yes, this is where I’m at now, this is me doing the best I know how now, but I’ve found it. It may grow and change and evolve as things do, so I grow and change and get better at what I’m doing…half the time I feel like I’m still learning and growing and making things better. But I’ve found a process that works for me, doing something I like doing, merging several of the things I love into one practical craft. I love that blank books and journals are practical. I love how they can bring beauty to other people’s lives. I love using something that would have been discarded and giving it a second chance to bring joy to someone. It makes me happy. I write that, and part of me, the Censor, if you will, pops up it’s ugly head and says, ‘What about the comments, the criticism? What if someone doesn’t like your work? What if someone thinks your prices are too high?, etc.’ You know what? I don’t care.

One of the things that I’d love to do, and this is definitely something for me to keep exploring and growing in, is not only do I want to just make blank books, but I think filling them, like a junk journal, would be super fun too. I just haven’t really dived into that yet. Maybe one day. That way I can merge my love of patterned paper into everything else. It’s a process. But that is one area I would love to grow in.