Surrendering

No one likes to surrender.

When you surrender, you lose.

‘Surrendering’ can be a buzz word in Christianity.

We need to ‘surrender all’ to the Lord Jesus Christ — body, mind, heart, soul, emotions, spirit.

We are not our own.

I’m not arguing that fact.

But still, no one likes to surrender.

It feels like giving up. Like you haven’t tried hard enough. Like you haven’t given enough. Like there is still more to do. Still more you can do. We can’t accept defeat. When you accept defeat, it’s over. There really is nothing more you can do except clean up the mess (And who wants to be a janitor?).

Life is really a life-long process of surrendering. In Christianity it’s the initial surrender of your life to Jesus – realizing Jesus’ atoning sacrifice and lordship and authority and gentleness and holiness and everything He is mixed up together in one fell swoop. It’s HIM. It’s Jesus and there’s nothing else.

Then, life hits and there’s more to surrender. You mean, God, that I have to surrender that and that and that and even…that?

Wait, what’d I sign up for?

But we surrender out of obedience (If after some internal wrestling and prayer convos with God) and we realize once again His lordship and perfect authorship in our lives.

And then, life Really Hits.

Or, really…hurts.

And I’m in that Really Hits and Really Hurting place right now.

My husband and I have tried everything we’ve known how to do to start a family and it. just. isn’t. happening.

(So far. Yet. I still have faith.)

I still have faith. I still have faith. I still have faith.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for — it’s the evidence of what we do not see, yes?

And I felt a couple of weeks ago, that I needed to be OK with not having kids.

Or in other words, ‘God, I am Your creation, You have me here for whatever purpose and for whatever reason. I am like a bird or a flower in Your sight. Infinitely precious, yet so finite. So limited. You are God, I am not. You see the big picture of my life, I do not. You see the end, the beginning and everything in between. You know what You’re doing, I, in my limited sight-distance, do not (Although I think I do). God, what does my life look like it my husband and I really don’t have kids, like, ever???? So I give it up to You. Again. But for real this time. And for real again. And again.’

In other words, Surrender.

This is hard. This is really, really hard.

This is tough. This is really, really tough.

There’s a line in the Shane & Shane’s song ‘Psalm 46 (Lord of All)‘ that has really helped me lately: ‘O God who knows the hearts of men and still you let them live / O God who makes the mountains melt come wrestle us and win’.

‘O GOD WHO MAKES THE MOUNTAINS MELT / COME WRESTLE US AND WIN’

No one likes to surrender.

But sometimes it’s the only choice.

And if you’re surrendering whatever it is to Jesus, then you really can’t lose.