Reasons

I signed up for Fodder School.

What school?

Until very recently I don’t thik the word ‘fodder’ was really in my vocabulary, at least not my art vocabulary.

But, thanks to the internet and the Instagram world, it is.

Stumbling upon an IG account that I happened to like the look of, liking leads to looking at their website for more info, I like the website enuogh to sign up for their newsletter, their newsletter announces a mixed media collage challenge using little bits you have around, or ie, ‘fodder’, I sign up because mixed media collage is something I’ve always liked the look of and wanted to learn, and then, of course, the challenge leads them (The people on IG who started this challenge) to create a virtual school, Fodder School, in which you learn how to 1. Create art collage fodder and 2. Use that fodder in mixed media collage or book projects.

I debated. A school. Online. Basically videos from different mixed media artists who show you techniques on how to make collage fodder. After debating some more (ie, Will I have time to do this? I’m already super busy. It costs. Will I find enough time on a regular basis to warrant me actually signing up and paying for this school. How much will I have to spend on materials and supplies? BUT, I’ve always wanted to learn collage techniques, what am I waiting for? Now is the time, etc) I took the plunge and as you already know, signed up.

I am looking forward to learning. Yes, it’s one more thing on my plate, but it will be something I hopefully enjoy doing and that finding the time, supplies, etc won’t necessarily be a huge factor.

Art as self-care has been a theme for me the past couple weeks. I definitely don’t think this is walking the line of care vs. indulgence; it’s care, it’s learning, it’s growing, it’s self-improvement, it’s expanding and improving my creative techniques, it’s doing something I enjoy and hopefully it will lead to others enjoying what I create as well in the long run.

I have to ask myself Why too…not just for the reasons listed above, but Why in general am I throwing myself into my creative endeavors much more heartily than I have in the past, even the recent past.

I know that I’ve talked about it being a place of forgetting myself, and really, that’s exactly the reason.

Or more specifically I’m trying to forget that: The fact that my dad isn’t here anymore, that my husband and I are having fertility challenges, that there’s a pandemic on and that major political controversy and issues in the U.S. exist (And make me really angry. American ‘Christianity’, enough said)

As if one wasn’t enough.

Some of it is just the world we live in (Pandemic and political controversy), some of it is specific to my situation (My dad and ferticility challenges).

And so my creative endeavors seem to be my hiding place at this time in life. Throwing myself into making my Autumn book collection, mixed media collage, Fodder School, painting, even just going to the art supply store and browsing for a bit (And then buying what I came to get) is a safe, healing space for me during this time.

Why art and not something else? IDK. It’s just me. It’s just what I do. And that’s ok. For my husband, it’s sports. For me, art.

I’m thriving on little projects. Each weekend, or 10:30p at night, I’m up working on something. And then I start something new. And then something else.

I’m thankful for this healing space of creativeness in my life right now.

I wonder if it’s escapism, but honestly, right now, I don’t care if it is. It’s more soothing to my heart, mind and soul than anything. It may be me hiding away from cold hard facts of reality, but I don’t care if it is.

And who wouldn’t want to be in a soothing, comforting place where the worries and tensions and unpleasant realities of life don’t follow you?

It’s that secret space, where only I and God can come. Maybe it’s like those rooms that I mentioned in this post. I go into a room of His heart that only I can go, and then I create and make things and He calms me down and what comes out is a deeper relationship with Him, a sense of purpose and fulfillment to me, and something beautiful that I made.

Where is that place of self-forgetfulness for you? Is it art, or something else?