Wanting

“You see, I want a lot. Perhaps I want everything.”

This line from a Rilke poem could also be a life motto for me.

I want a lot in life.

Maybe everything.

Sunday morning I lie on our bed thinking, while my husband gets ready for church.

I lie there…thinking…knowing there are things I need to do (Finish the laundry, brush my teeth), but I want to decorate my house, or paint the chair in our bathroom, or redo our lightswitch covers, or…I want to bake cookies and travel to Charleston, SC because I’ve never been there, I want to write a book and have children and own a boutqiue and rehab houses and own a smoothie shop and have a thriving Etsy shop and aromatherapy business and to do all these things at the same time.

‘You see…

I want a lot.

Perhaps…

I want everything’.

This is nothing new. I distinctly recall feeling the same way when I was in India for a summer many years ago. I wanted to travel to Australia and own a house and get married and be a dancer and run a theatre group and be a missionary and my question then was, “How do all these things work together?”

Do they all go together?

‘You see, I want a lot.’

They fit together under the heading of LIFE.

And yet, in direct contrast in this wanting and desiring things in life, to go and do, are the words from Psalm 73, ‘Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.’

And, oh, how that echoes in my heart. There really and truly is nothing I want or need or desire besides God; He fully and abundantly satisfies all my wants, needs and desires. And yet…

‘I want a lot…perhaps…everything…’

It is ok to want and desire, to have a thirst for life. We are created to live. Not just sit passively and watch the world go by and our days slip by without feeling, emotion or desire. Of all people, those in the household of faith should thirst and desire for more of life.

Sometimes it feels overwhelming though and which path do I chose? (Do I bake cookies or fly to Australia or bake cookies in Australia?!?)

God always leads though, and always leads aright.