The Doing

Last night I started to read ‘A Million Little Ways’ by Emily P. Freeman.

I’ve been listening to Emily’s podcast, The Next Right Thing, for a month or two now. In one of her earliest episodes she shares about a woman who wrote to her with a desire to write, but didn’t think she had either the time to write amid her busy schedule and responsibilites or thought it was a dream that she just really couldn’t attain — at least not at this season in her life.

That episode really hit me.

As I listened though, I thought ‘Haven’t I heard this story before?’

A couple of years ago I had been listening to the Makers & Mystsics podcast, and Emily P. Freeman was a speaker on one of the epidodes. And, yes, she had shared the story of the woman who wanted to write, but thought she couldn’t (You can listen to that recording here).

Like I said, that episode really hit me. I listened to it twice. Pondering, listening, trying to discern what this story meant for my life. I felt as if Emily was speaking right to me, as if there was something I needed to know through this story and the questions Emily posed. Was there something I needed to pay attention to in this? Like, really pay attention to?

Back to last night. Three chapters into ‘A Million Little Ways’ and here comes this story again about the woman who wanted to write, but felt like she couldn’t indulge in her dream.

The questions Emily writes in response to this woman’s story is written out below:

“What if you desire to do a particular thing because God created you a particular way, not to tease you or to make you miserable, but to actually mold you into becoming more like him, for his glory and the benefit of others?

Could it be possible that the thing you most long for, the thing you notice and think about and wish you could do, is the thing you were actually made and are being equipped to do?

Could it also be possible that somewhere along the way you got the message that to follow desire would be selfish, when really, it would be the opposite?”

In another early episode of The Next Right Thing podcast Emily asks the question, ‘What do you want?’ and how truly answering that can be a key to unlocking all sorts of inner information about what we were made to do and how that plays into decisions we make through our lives.

As I read last night, with all these questions, ideas, thoughts and memories stirring inside me, I had this thought, ‘I’ve lost myself in the doing.‘

Much of what I want in life has to do with being.

Writing is a very slow and ponderous activity.

You sit.

You write.

You think.

You study.

You write some more, think some more, study some more and on.

It’s not a fast paced activity. It’s a being activity.

Yet, I so enjoy it. I feel it is part of my calling, something I was designed to do.

(And yes, I am currently making time for that in my schedule. Even in my busy, active schedule).

Having deep conversations with friends is not a fast-paced activity. Mentoring is slow. Binding books is time consuming. Making art is hard work. Being creative takes a lot of effort. Creating space in your home that is comfortable, welcoming and relaxing to yourself and others takes skill and time.

These are all things I enjoy. Feel called to. These are all being activities, even if they are all work.

Somewhere along the way I’ve lost myself in the doing.

The doing just to do. The job that needs to be done, whether I like it or not. The bills that have to be paid. The tasks that need to be finished. I put things on my plate; overwhelm myself.

I’m trying to find the balance in my schedule between doing and being. I don’t want to lose myself in the doing. I already have; once, twice, now.

How do I keep from losing myself in the doing?

How do I find myself in the being?

I am believing that this season coming up will be one of finding myself, preparedness for things to come, laying low and hearing God’s voice.