Wanting vs. Enjoying

For years I’ve said things to the effect of, “I’m so lazy”, “I’m just being lazy”, “I don’t want to because I’m a lazy bum”. 

When the honest truth is, I am anything but lazy. 

I work a LOT. 

I work around the house; cleaning, cooking, gardening, etc. 

I work on my business, writing, and on various projects. 

I’m physically active, I exercise, take walks, play tennis, dance. 

I’m socially active; getting together with friends and family (More so pre-COVID).

Several years ago one of my roommates, having just moved in to my apartment, after hearing my say several times that I was lazy said, “I would not put you in the lazy category’.

Why do I think I’m lazy or say that I am? 

I think it’s not so much, “I’m lazy”, but “I don’t want to”. 

I’ve worked all day, come home, worked on my business, cleaned the bathroom, started a load of laundry, made dinner, cleaned up from dinner, taken a walk with my husband; it’s now 8:30p at night and there’s a load of laundry to be folded, but goodness gracious, I don’t want to, I’m tired, so I don’t do it with the excuse of, ‘I’m just being a lazy bum’. 

Fact of the matter is, I’m not lazy, I’m just so blamed tired from doing everything else that folding laundry at 8:30 at night isn’t something I want to do. 

 I’m NOT even a mom and I feel this way. 

Is it, “I don’t want to” or “I’m just tired”? Maybe a combination. 

When I was growing up my dad would often say, “Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do”. 

I heard it SO much growing up that I tend to think that not ‘sometimes’ we have to do things we don’t want to do, but ALL the time I have to do things I don’t want to do and so I live my life doing things I don’t really want to do. 

I read a quote from author Cynthia Voigt when I was a teenager that has stuck with me through the years; something she said about how she doesn’t do things that she doesn’t enjoy doing. If she doesn’t enjoy doing it, she just doesn’t do it. 

But I think those two things; my dad’s saying and Voigt’s quote, got mixed up in my head. 

Wanting to do something and Enjoying something are two different things. Are they not? 

I WANT to have a business, and I do have one, but when the rubber meets the road, having a business in today’s society, generally speaking, is a lot of digital marketing, being active on social media, having a super cool website, flawless IG account, sharp, vibrant images to sell your product, service or yourself, have fantastic SEO and a website that converts a bunch of stuff into cash (Right?). 

So, basically this means that I have to spend a LOT of time online, staring at a screen:

Doing research (online), 

Building a website (online), 

Taking pictures and editing them (on my phone or computer), 

Downloading and uploading things…And that’s just part of it. 

And goodness, I want to have a maker, product based business, but all I’m doing to TRYING to market myself and feeling like I suck at it. 

Because those digital marketing skills AREN’T my strengths. They’re major weakesses and I don’t ENJOY doing them. I don’t WANT to do them. And so a lot of times, I feel lazy. I don’t WANT to schedule my social media posts or write a newsletter. I don’t ENJOY doing them. But I want to have a business. Do I have to do these things in order to have a business? No. Of course not. 

I’d rather be making a book (Offline). 

I’d rather be making a batch of soap (Offline). 

I’d rather be blending a new perfume blend (Offline).

I’d rather be outside taking a walk (Because I enjoy it). 

I’d rather be writing (Ok, the one screen based activity I don’t mind for a short time. I could do pen and paper but a wordprocessor is SO MUCH FASTER. And I like typing). 

So running a creative, maker business involves, from my short experience, a lot of staring at a computer screen and tring to research and FIGURE THINGS OUT.

WANTing to do something vs. ENJOYing something? 

I want a business, but I don’t, half the time, enjoy working on my business. 

AM I playing business to my strengths or weaknesses?

I believe that I can have a thriving, ENJOYable business. 

And if you’re a creative person, I’m sure you can too.