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Book List: 2023

I’ve come to anticipate and look forward to writing my end-of-the-year book list post, so here goes. Here are the books I read in 2023.

‘A White Bird Flying’ – Bess Streeter Aldrich. (This was a re-read from my teen years. About a girl who wrestles with her love of writing and the love of her boyfriend…having to choose between them; career vs. marriage/family. I enjoyed the re-read; there is depth and heart and wholesomeness).

‘Laura Ingalls Wilder and Rose Wilder Lane: Authorship, Place, Time and Culture’ – John E. Miller. (An in-depth look at the similarities and differences of the famous mother/daughter writing duo; how they interacted and how their relationship played into their writing of the Little House books and how the places, the time and the culture in which they lived influenced their writing too).

‘Let Your Life Speak’ – Parker J. Palmer (A recommendation from the Next Right Thing podcast. About vocation and calling. Insightful in many ways. I did have some epiphany moments…especially when the author was talking about how he was always making detailed books about airplanes when he was a boy and he thought he should chose a career path in the air force or engineering, but what he realized later that he was more fascinated by the bookmaking/writing process than the actual subject he was writing about, which led him down a career path of writing/speaking/teaching).

‘The Giver’ – Lois Lowry (A classic. I picked this up one evening at my brother’s house — his son was reading it for school and it was lying about, and me, ever the bookish person, got engrossed in the story, read a good portion of it that evening and then got it from the library later. I forgot how much I had enjoyed it the first time).

‘Gathering Blue’ – Lois Lowry (While I was on The Giver streak I decided to try another in the series. This was a first time read for me and wasn’t so enthralled by it as The Giver. I know it’s a children’s book, but I enjoy children’s books, so wanted to try it out, although I felt it left something to be desired).

‘Mrs. Tim of the Regiment’ – D. E. Stevenson (Does a year go by when I don’t read a book by D. E. Stevenson? Probably not. I got hooked on this book this year and then read the entire four books in this series. See below!)

‘Mrs. Tim Carries On’ – D. E. Stevenson (Book Two in the Mrs. Tim series)

‘Mrs. Tim Gets a Job’ – D. E. Stevenson (Book Three in the series. This one is probably my least favorite of them, but still entertaining)

‘Mrs. Tim Flies Home’ – D. E. Stevenson (Book Four in the series. This one might be my fav)

‘Try Softer’ – Aundi Kolber (This book was recommended to me by a friend, but my therapist in 2021 had also sent me excerpts from this book pertaining to what we were discussing. This book might just change your life. But for real. Aundi Kolber — yes, who I follow on Instagram — is a therapist who is all about…grace. Trying Softer is essentially about being kind to yourself and honoring your story and what you’ve been through as a trauma survivor. I don’t necessarily see myself as a trauma survivor per say, but as I get more in touch with who I am and my story I do see the hard parts of my story and where I have learned to survive and not honor the things I’ve been through, especially emotionally. Would recommend this to anyone, but especially if you have a history of abuse or trauma).

‘As You Wish’ – Cary Elwes (This book was so fun! Ah…who doesn’t like The Princess Bride?! Behind-the-scenes stories of the filming of The Princess Bride, told by none other than Westley himself…or by Cary Elwes…)

‘The Gospel Without Compromise’ – Catherine de Houek Dohetry (I read half of this because I think I got bored…not to say that she didn’t have good insights, but…I don’t know…I think I just got bored. And the older I get, if I’m not enjoying the book or have to read it for a certain reason or want to glean what I can from it, then I don’t read it. What was it about? A very Catholic perspective of caring for the poor and ‘the problem with youth today’ so to speak).

‘The Giddy Knight’ – C. L. Maccaferri (This is a children’s book that my cousin wrote and no, her real name is not C. L. Maccaferri. My cousin had wanted to write a children’s book for many, many years and she finally did. This was a book about the adventures and misadventures of a young, unlikely knight. It is full of action from one scene to the next, sure to delight children in the middle school age. It is a fun read and I am proud of my cousin for doing what she wanted to do. This is the link to where you can buy it — and remember, I don’t get any compensation, I just want to give her a boost).

‘I Work At a Public Library’ – Gina Sheridan (Hilarious encounters from a librarian who works closely with the public. Every day brings something new…)

‘Deadly Rainbows’ – A. A. Akibibi (This book was one that another of my cousins wrote and no, his real name is not A. A. Akibibi. 😉 This is a book about the space adventures — and misadventures — of a young 11-year-old boy. Very sensory in the telling — lots of visuals and scents and sounds. There is several very beautiful scenes towards the end of the book that I found myself going back to. This book is one of three…the second is coming out in 2024. Here’s a link where you can view and purchase if you wish — just because I love my cousin).

‘What We See When We Read’ – Peter Mendelsund (A fascinating, visual book about what we see when we read, quite literally. I found it helpful as a writer. To summarize: You don’t have to spell everything out. The reader’s imagination does a good job at filling in).

‘The Giddy Knight 2: The Gods ARE Crazy’ – C. L. Maccaferri (The second book in the Giddy Knight books…as of now, there are only two in the series. I found the portrayal of the gods highly amusing and think my cousin did a great job with this one. Link to purchase here, because you know, I love this cousin too)

‘Fall Back and Find Me’ – Sarah Hanks (I wrote a post about this book already — you can view that here. I read this book as part of Sarah’s launch team so I got the Advanced Reader Copy. Sarah has a smooth, flowing writing style that is a pleasure to read. This is a split-time novel that deals with issues such as chronic illness, identity and adoption. Christian fiction)

‘The Voice of the Heart’ – Chip Dodd (This was loaned to me by a friend; the same friend that recommended Try Softer. Another book that delves into emotional heart issues. This book was hard for me to read just because I found his style of writing kind of difficult to get into. He tells and explains more than giving examples from real life situations or stories, which make it kind of dull, although some of what he was saying was very good. Maybe it just wasn’t what I needed at the time)

‘The Girl From The Papers’ – Jennifer I. Wright (Wow…a Bonnie and Clyde type story, intense, alive, drama-filled. This story drew me in and held my attention til the very last page. This is a Christian fiction novel which is typically is not my favorite genre, but the writing and story line were both vibrant and real and I would read other novels by the author).

‘A Trail of Apple Blossoms’ – Irene Hunt (I didn’t realize this was such a short children’s book and after I had ordered it from the library and saw what it was I almost didn’t check it out. But since it was such a short, easy read I went for it. A sweet tale about the legend of Johnny Appleseed for young readers).

‘The Small Rain’ – Madeline L’Engle (After reading L’Engle’s book ‘A Two Part Invention’ I was curious to read her first novel, ‘The Small Rain’, so this year I finally did. I found this book really depressing. Like, really depressing. Whether it was her choice of subject, a coming of age novel based on her own experiences, or SPOILER ALERT, the fact that she loses a friend tragically due to a fall that produces a broken neck — as I did so very recently — this book seemed way, way, way too close for comfort. I even checked out the sequel ‘A Severed Wasp’ after I read this book, but honestly, I couldn’t read it and took it back to the library after a page or so. Not to say that ‘The Small Rain’ wasn’t well written, it was just a difficult read for me)

‘Creating Time’ – Marney K. Makridakis (This book is about how to view time differently. It dives into the science of time and also gives many hands-on projects for you to do so you can artistically ‘reinvent’ time for yourself. Creative and innovative, especially if you actually DO the projects, which I didn’t, mostly because I was reading this book around the time my sister-in-law had her lung transplant so I had a lot of other things on my mind. I would highly recommend if you are someone who struggles with time management, if you are artistic, or if you are curious about time)

‘The Dutch House’ – Ann Patchett (This was another book I heard about from Emily P. Freeman through the Next Right Thing podcast. In her podcast she says that she ‘loves books that have houses as one of the main characters’. I would tend to agree with her in that statement, however, this particular book was another depressing one for me and I did not enjoy it at all. I think I only kept reading because…well, I honestly don’t know why. Maybe because the writing flowed so smoothly and seemlessly from one scene to the next and is written no naturally that you barely notice that you’re reading. Maybe. So why did I not like it? I think that one reason was because the story is written in the first person from a masculine perspective, although the author is a female, which can be tricky to write. Another reason I didn’t like it is because the house itself did not seem friendly; it seemed cold, grey and standoffish. I did not get warm fuzzy feelings from reading this book, in fact, I thought the characters had major issues that were unresolved and as the reader I felt frustrated with them. Very weird family dynamics to be sure. Can they not see…?? Maybe, again, it was too close for comfort? That being said, no matter how naturally the book was written, at this point I have no desire to read anything by Ann Patchett ever again. Maybe I will change my mind one day, as apparently, she’s brilliant…?).

‘Peanuts: The Gang’s All Here’ – Charles Schultz (After a couple of intense, depressing books, I needed something to lighten the mood. What better way than with Snoopy, Woodstock and the whole host of Peanuts characters?! This was a collection of Peanuts cartoons and I found them refreshing)

‘The Bone Sparrow’ – Zana Fraillon (A children’s book about a boy in a refugee camp in Australia who makes friends with a girl from the outside world. This book was very beautifully written with delightful and charming imagery, but also does not gloss over the harsh reality of life in a refugee camp. In fact, the constrast of those two — the imagery and reality — made this book even more beautiful)

‘Calico Bush’ – Rachel Field (This is another children’s novel. Side note: This fall I took my little nephew to story time at the local library and as he played with the toys I would browse the J Fiction section and check out what captured my attention. This is one of the reasons why a lot of the books I read were kids books. ‘Calico Bush’ is a classic and one I found very intriguing and thoroughly enjoyed about pioneer/settler life in the 1700’s. If you don’t like Native Americans being referred to as ‘Injuns’ and cast in a bad light, this may not be the novel for you. However, I believe we can learn both from books like this and our past mistakes as a society)

I think one of my goals for what I chose to read next year will be more novels written for adults, rather than children, although I do like reading young adult and children’s novels.

When Lists Aren’t Helpful

I am very much a List Maker. I am someone who writes down lists of things…anything: grocery list, to-do list, home repair lists, when I watered my plants last, things I need to buy…the list goes on (Haha). I check these things off my various lists throughout the day and they help me track my progress and make me feel a sense of accomplishment. I DID something today.

I am also a procrastinator. I am not lazy by any means, but I do tend to get ‘stuck’ and put things ‘off’ for another day. I believe we all can get stuck at points in our lives. We are all finite beings and only have certain skill levels that we excel at; no one is The Whole Package and we all can use help to round out what we lack. Generally speaking making lists personally help me to not get stuck, they help me not to procrastinate, they help me move from Point A to Point B in a timely manner. They help me pull back and see what needs to be done and not focus too much on a details. In contrast, they can help me be detailed in working on a project from beginning to end.

So when are lists NOT helpful?

At some point this Fall I had a realization that although lists can be extremely helpful with keeping me on track in many forms and in many ways, but on most days I intuitively know what I need to do.

This is especially true with my creative projects. I know what I want to get done. I see my projects sitting on my desk and writing a list that says ‘Work on Tea Book project, Take pictures of book and put on Etsy, Post to Instagram, Write Blog on List Making, Change laundry, Make soap, Start Dinner’, isn’t actually helpful because at that point writing a list IS the form of procrastination.

When are lists not helplful? When you intuitively know what needs to be done and are not doing it but procrastinating by making a list instead.

So, this Fall I have been practicing NOT making lists. Yes, I still make lists and write things on my calendar, appointments, deadlines and such as needed (ie, Physical Therapy, 3:30, Thursday), but my day-to-day creative activities and projects as I mentioned above? No. I know what I need to do and if I don’t do them? Well, then I’m just procrastinating.

I think one of the places where I get stuck in working on creative projects is that I have so many of them. Which one do I do first? Which one is more important? If none of them have deadlines, how do I choose? Which one should I prioritize? If a project is almost finished, a lot of times I will prioritize that one so I ‘get it done’ and move on to another. That is one way I choose what to do next. But many times it is Just Choose One and focus and work on that one. Sometimes, if I have multiple projects I want to work on in a day, I give myself a time limit. I’ll tell myself ‘I’ll work on this project for an hour/half hours/20 minutes, then I’ll move on to the next one’. That seems to help get me moving. And I don’t need a list to do that. That’s when lists bog me down. If most of my projects don’t have a time deadline then writing a list of what to work on next just gets in my way. At that point, I just need to do it.

I will ALWAYS be a list maker. I will. But there also is a discerning aspect of when making them isn’t helpful.

How about you? Are you a list maker? When is making a list not helpful in your life? How do you juggle various creative projects with no time deadline?

The Helper Constitution

I’m watching my little nephew, Levi, this morning. Yes, the same nephew that I was watching back in September when my sister-in-law had her lung transplant.

My sister-in-law has recovered remarkably well and is on her last three weeks of physical therapy, clinics and tests. It’s been a long three months and I am sure we are all looking forward to this phase of her recovery being done.

I know that I am getting a little weary of watching Levi — just being honest. As I said, it’s been a long three months and although there have been other caretakers around, helping out, I was here when they first got the call that there was a donor match and I am in this for the long haul. Not like I haven’t had days off, and quite frankly, it’s been relatively low stress, but it seems like it’s just been a long time. The weather was warm when I started and now it’s 20 degrees outside, the seasons have shifted, and we still have three more weeks to go. I know this time of helping is short in light of the whole of life, and especially in light of eternity, but I think I am just itching to get back to my own life and routine. It’s getting towards the end of this phase and isn’t the end always the hardest?

This past week was Thanksgiving and we had a busy couple of days. We don’t travel anywhere for the holidays, which is nice, but it’s still a whirlwind of activity. Thursday was Thanksgiving so we were over at my mom’s for most of the day with family.

I recently accepted a job at my brother’s art glass studio as the office manager, which sounds more fancy than it is. It’s about ten hours a week, give or take, and my mom has had the job for almost ten years, so I am taking over the position so she can retire. The training for the job will take place over the course of a year, as there are some tasks she does every week, some once a month, some quarterly and some just once a year. Friday morning this past week found me at ‘The Studio’ with my mom doing our weekly administrative tasks.

Friday afternoon I had invited my sister’s two oldest kids to come over and spend the night. My sister’s husband is still deployed and my sister is getting a little overwhelmed and weary being a single parent. So I thought that it would be fun to have them over so we could have some niece and nephew time and to give my sister a little break. I didn’t have to have them over, but according to the Ennegram scale I am a Type 2, which is a Helper…and I can’t help but Help. It’s in my nature. It’s who I am and it seems if there is a need I have to at least try to fill it. Maybe to a fault.

It was great fun having Amelia and Titus over though. We did some Messy Art with craft acrylics, made cupcakes, watched the classic Rudoph cartoon, went to a neighborhood craft show, climbed all over Playground City (As my nephew calls the park playground), ate lots of mac ‘n cheese and were entertained by our guinea pigs for about two hours on Saturday afternoon. All this while I was keeping up with Black Friday orders from my website.

There was a moment at the playground, as my husband and I stood around talking while the kids played, that we were discussing the socialization of my sister’s kids and how we could get them out of their shell a bit and be around other kids. They are homeschooled, and while there is nothing wrong with being homeschooled, they tend to be a little lacking in the friend & peer area. And as we talked I briefly bemoaned my Ennegram Helper constituion. ‘I know it’s not my problem,’ I said.

‘You just want to help out’, said Adam.

‘Yes. It’s my Type 2-ness,’ I said unhappily.

‘The world does need Type 2’s’, said Adam. A matter-of-fact statement, which made me feel better and made me want to cry at the same time. I felt a little weight lift.

These past few months, not only have they been long, they have been harder than I realize. It hasn’t been easy. At first, being the main caretaker for Levi when my sister-in-law was in the hospital. It was a full time job during the week, essentially running two households. Then, after she was released, other caretakers came along to help with her and Levi, but I was still heavily involved. Although I had (Thankfully) quit my part-time job in August, it still felt like a lot. What is it about me, where I feel like I have to help in every situation?

Over the years I’ve let go of a lot of things and I’ve made time for myself more and more, to do the things that I enjoy doing, but I still take on a lot. Or so it seems. I told my husband this morning, as I was complaining about having to watch Levi, ‘I just want to stay home and make art’.

Where is this balance in life? Balancing helping others and staying home to make art? Balancing watching my nieces and nephews and running a business? Where is this balance of taking care of myself while also taking care of my husband? The balance of taking introvert time, writing, reading, staring into space, with being active with the needs of my extended family? IS there a balance? I do feel like I balance things well, however my introvertness and self-care seems to get the short end of the stick. My inner life cries for a day to do nothing. To rest. Sometimes it’s hard for me to rest.

And my husband has something to say about that too. ‘Rest is a part of life’, he told me recently. Ah, yes. It is. I forget. Not only is rest a part of life, I believe it really is essential to living a full life with Jesus.

So I try to rest when I can, at least so I have energy to go out and help again, if not make art.

The funny thing about art is that making it requires a lot of TIME, ENERGY, THOUGHTFULNESS, RESEARCH, and MAKING MISTAKES. It requires PROTYPES and THINKING and RE-THINKING and CONCEPTS and VISUALIZATION. It requires you to be ok with making a MESS and then making more of a MESS and at the end of the day you might just scrap it all and go back to the drawing board to try it all again in a different way. Making art is tiring.

Where do I put my energy? Into helping others or making art? Where is the balance? Can I to both? The thing is, I do love to do both. I really do. When I went upstairs this morning to get Levi out of his crib my heart melted. I had missed him over the weekend and I was happy to be able to watch him again.

There’s a balance and there is a pull, a tension between giving and taking. Between giving out and resting.

This question is for all my fellow Type 2’s out there… How do you balance your time? How do you balance your self-care with helping? You giving with your taking? And if you’re an artist too…how do you balance that?

Short Term Work

I feel like it’s been a while since I’ve written. I feel this back up, what I call ‘creative constipation’, happening. There are things I want to write about, it’s just taking the time to write about them. And Time, per say, right now, isn’t necessarily an issue — not like when I worked at the warehouse. My lifestyle has changed a lot over the past couple months, since leaving my job and I have been able to focus more on creative pursuits and my small business, which I love. I feel free.

I still wrestle with writing. And although I am a writer, it can be hard for me to actually physically sit down and write. I know all you writers out there feel this. I’ve said plenty of times before that writing is work, and sometimes I just don’t put the work in. My guess is since I don’t write for a living — I have no deadlines, I have no goals, it’s just fun and recreational, so the pressure is off in a way.

I was thinking the other day how nice it would be if my thoughts could be written down — a ticker tape of the words that are floating, flitting and flopping around in my head. Then I could just come back and edit them and ta-da!, a book or a blog or a poem and the work is done.

Not that I don’t enjoy writing, I do. Typing on a keyboard has always been a soothing activity for me. Writing with pen and ink has always been a therapeutic activity as well.

Right now it’s a Sunday morning, early. I told my husband yesterday that I wanted to write this weekend, so I’d either be staying up late on Saturday eve or waking up early on Sunday. It was Sunday that happened. And since I feel like it’s been a while since I’ve written I pull out my trusty laptop, open up WordPress and start figuring out ‘Where was I?’ in the blog world.

Which led me to the Stat page on WordPress. I don’t often look at the Stats because, although it is interesting, I’m not really a math person and quiet honestly, I just don’t care much about my WordPress Stats in general. I’m doing this for fun, and although I am very glad YOU are here reading my words, I would still write if anyone read them or not.

But looking at my Stats today I started to get panicky. I’ve ‘only’ written 22 blog posts this year. Compared to the 45 I wrote last year, the 74 the year before and the 77 posts I wrote in 2020. So looking at these stats and this gradual decline in my posting, I had this panic feeling — like, ‘I have to catch up, I have to write more, I have to be faster, more consistent…more something‘. Like I am not making the grade, or passing the test.

It’s funny how we put these pressures on ourselves. My blogging is purely a recreational pasttime that I do because I enjoy it — there should be absolutely no pressure to write just because I’ve written fewer posts this year than last year.

I do want to write more because I have things to say and I’ve currently got about 27 blog posts that are in Draft mode, not to mention all the ones floating around in my head, so there are things coming, it’s just putting the work in. Putting the work in because I WANT to, not because I feel like I have to ‘catch up’ to my 2020 blog-posting self (Which actually reminds me of a blog post I wrote in 2020 along these same lines. You can read it at this link).

This leads me to another thought I had yesterday morning (When I really did want to sit down and write, but I was at a farmer’s market with my small biz, freezing my tush off and selling not much). The thought was: Do I put the Short Term Work in for Long Term Success? Do I have a short term vision for life? Or long term?

Looking back briefly through seasons of my life, the things I’ve done and the jobs I’ve had, the answer was most definitely No, I don’t put the work in. I really do only see the short term. And maybe we all do because none of us know what will happen in the next five minutes, or tomorrow, or a month from now. In a way, we all only see short term and yet we can have a long term vision for life too.

I tend to look at the short term: how much work, or money, or time, or energy a project or a goal will cost me to do and I find ways to go around all the work, or ask ‘How can I do it Differently?’. How can I save time and money and energy on this thing that I want to do? Or That itself can be a lot of work, instead of just DOING the thing or looking at the long term goal and saying, Yes, it’s worth it.

(Also, finding a creative routine so the work can be done is also key)

So, to sum up: Do you have a short term or long term vision on life? Do you put the short term work in on your goals or projects to set yourself up for long term success? (I absolutely love this post from Ryan Holiday which along this same theme). Do you put unnecessary pressure on yourself to perform? Do you compare yourself with yourself? How can you be more gentle with yourself?

Telling The Story

Recently I was on a book launch team for a new book my friend Sarah Hanks wrote. This was my first time being on a launch team, any launch team for that matter, and I really enjoyed myself. I learned a lot about what bringing a book out into the world meant in the year 2023, which is to say, lots of social media and digital marketing, posting reviews to book websites, Facebook groups and generally trying to spread the word about the new book. It was fun to get the Advanced Reader Copy (ARC) of the book, read it, then to work with a team, albeit digitally, to get others excited about a new release.

One of the things that the author wanted us as a team to do was to write down our favorite quotes while we were reading through the book. The author then turned these quotes into graphics that we could share on our social media pages. There were lots of memorable passages throughout the book, but I had two quotes that really stood out to me.

One of them was, ‘He (God) has so many thoughts about who He created you to be, so many words to tell you about your identity. The only one who can tell you who you are is the person who created you. I figure, best go straight to the source.’

The other was, ‘Her body told a different story’.

And that phrase, ‘Her body told a different story’, has stuck with me for the past month or so.

We are whole people. Mind, soul, spirit, heart; so much wrapped up in a beautiful package called our physical body. But how often do we, especially as Christians, ignore or not pay attention to or disregard our bodies?

Our bodies tell stories. They tell stories differnt than the ones we think they should tell or the ones we want them to tell.

Our bodies tell stories about where we’ve been, where we’ve lived, the food we’ve eaten, what we’ve smelled, our occupations, the things we’ve done. Our bodies holds scars; the surgeries we’ve had, the bones we’ve broken, the illnesses we’ve encountered on our journey through life.

Our bodies do have a miraculous way of healing themselves, recovering and repairing so that to those who don’t know us don’t know the things we’ve walked through, or the things our bodies have been through. I have many physical scars from cuts and bruises throughout the years that you can barely even see anymore. Yet I know that they’re there. There are still some you can see. Chicken pox can leave scars and my husband has a big, visible one on his back from when he was a child. I have a scar on my chin from when I fell into the corner of a table playing ‘chase’ as a little kid. Forty some odd years later I can still see it.

Our bodies tell stories. Our bodies grow and change as we get get older. That is as it should be. We grow from babies to toddlers to kids to teens to mature adults. And as we grow we encounter physical hardships along the way.

Our bodies also tell different stories than what we may want them to. We hide our shortcomings, or physical inabilities, our pain as much as we can. We poke and prod and eat differently and exercise and wear make up and use creams and ointments and lotions to cover up what our bodies are telling us. We want our bodies to change or we want our bodies to be how they used to be when we were younger. To change one way, or change in another.

I am no different. And I am all for living a lifestyle of eating food that is good for your body, maintaining weight through exercise and limberness through stretching and being active, using face cleansers and moisturizers, etc…this is just good hygiene and part of daily life.

But there are things that we cannot help, or pain comes and we don’t know where or why. Sometimes we live in chronic pain. Sometimes it is hereditary, sometimes not. Sometimes it is the choices we make, sometimes not. Sometimes it just is. Sometimes despite our best efforts nothing changes, even when we so desperately want them to.

As I’ve mentioned recently I left my job about eight weeks ago. While I was working in the warehouse I was on my feet a lot. Every day I was there I was lifting heavy boxes; 20, 30, 40 sometimes even 50 lbs. And while I truly enjoy having a physically active job, all the lifting, walking and being on my feet was starting to wear on me. I was starting to deal with a lot of rib pain in the form of costochondritis that was not only in my chest area, but stretched around to the back ribs and even the spine. My body was telling a story.

When I left my job I thought my body would heal quickly. That the rib pain would go away. It hasn’t. At least not yet. I’m wondering how long because the pain itself is staring to wear me down.

I am trying to slow down, practice self-care, giving myself and my body space and time to recover. I’m trying to slow down so I can listen to the story my body is telling me.

How can I love, honor and care for my forty-four year old body without expecting it to perform like my twenty-five ear old body did? How can I release my body from the expetations that I put on it?

I’m not suggesting that caring for our bodies or honoring our bodies or slowing down means that we sit on the couch all day and not do anything in and call it ‘resting’. Yes, there may be times when that is called for (ie, bed rest), but generally speaking, when I talk of slowing down I mean being in tune with what our body is saying and honoring our bodies through that. That will probably look different for every person. You have to discover what your body is saying to you, whihc is probably very different than what my body is currently telling me through my current state of chronic rib inflammation.

To sum up, how can you listen to what your body is saying to you? What story is your body telling you? How is different than what you want it to say or expect it to say? What can you do to honor, love and care for your body?

As a side note, you can purchase Sarah Hanks new book called ‘Fall Back and Find Me’ at this link. I share this with you because I did greatly enjoy the book; I do not receive any compensation for this recommendation. It is a split-time, Christian fiction novel that deals with a main theme of chronic illness and our identity in Jesus.

How To Turn A Simple Question Into A Math Lesson

Last Friday I was inundated by children. This is totally fine with me. My sister asked if I could watch her four kids (Ages 8 to 2) while she went to the hospital and visit our sister-in-law who just had the lung transplant.

I was already watching my little nephew Levi at my house, so what’s four more kids? It actually worked out, because while Levi napped my sister’s kids came and when they left Levi woke up. It was one kid, four kids then back to one kid.

It was fun. A chorus of small voices all vying for my attention at the same time. All eager to tell me sometihng that was super important to them at that moment like, how Judah doesn’t like tomatoes, how Amelia found a grub in the back yard, Esther wanting more mac ‘n cheese and Titus telling me things about their new house.

One conversation in particular stood out to me though. It was when my six year old nephew, Titus, asked me, ‘How old are you?’

‘How old do you think I am?’, I responded.

So he paced around the room, muttering to himself, thinking.

’48?’, he said.

‘Almost. Not quite. What is 48 minus 5?’

I don’t know if I really expected him to get this, but the kid is smart, so why not give it a try.

Again he walked around the room, muttering to himself, calculating.

’40?’

‘Close. Let’s see…what is 40 plus 3?’

Again with the walking, pacing, muttering, thinking, calculating.

’43?’

‘Yes! Good job, Titus. If I’m 43 now how old will I be on my next birthday?’

This was a no brainer.

’44’, he responded.

‘Yep!’

Maybe it was mean of me to put him through the rigamarole of doing math when he just asked me a question, but...I turned a simple question into a math lesson, plus he got the added benefit of having a conversation which is relationship building. So he got math skills, social skills, conversation skills and a relationship building exercise all in one.

Ta-da! 🙂

I love kids.

Romantic Words

I’ve been making a lot of blank journals recently. I design the hardback covers using vintage and upcycled fabric because I am an unashamed lover of all things fabric — the patterns, the colors, the styles, the bits and pieces I find as I’m digging through my large, very large, fabric stash and geek out on — like, really geek out on (My husband thinks it’s funny).

Some of the words I’ve been using to describe my asethetic style of journals and the fabric I use are Nostalgic, Whimsical and Rustic.

I’ve also been using words like Keepsake, Memories, Moments, Thoughts, Ideas and Reflections to describe the journals themselves and what they can be used for and why.

I’m also a big fan of the word Ephemera.

But what do all these words mean? I like these words, and I really do believe they describe my book art asethetic, but what is the meaning behind them?

First off, to me, they are romantic words.

I like the connotation of the word Nostalgic/Nostalgia as it speaks of an era gone by, or how it brings up a memory from when I was younger and I like the feeling that memory gives me. Nostalgia is a feeling. It’s a feeling I like and I want to keep. It’s a romantic feeling too, and gives me a sense of peace and calm inside, and even a sense of thankfulness for the life I’ve lived.

Maybe I am a hopeless romantic. Maybe I am sentimental.

Maybe there is no ‘maybe’ about it, it’s just who I am.

I don’t want to live my life caught up in the past. I want to enjoy the present and look forward to the future with anticipation and hope.

Side note: I’ve been reading the book ‘Creating Time’ by Marney K. Makridakis and it has given me a LOT to think about in regards to time. I was discussing the aspect of time and timing in our lives with my husband the other day; how time is weird…it goes fast, it goes slow, it just goes, how the past and present mingle together and Adam said, ‘There is no present. The present is just an illusion’. And as much as I hate to admit it, I think he’s right.

But these words — Nostaglic, Whimsical, Keepsake…they may be romantic…but what else?

I’m going to also going to admit that I’m a word nerd, so this is a Word Nerd post and I’m not sorry. The meaning of words, the thought behind them, can be powerful. Words can bring life and health and healing to our mind, body and soul; they can also wound our hearts and hurt and tear down our self-esteem.

I believe the words that I’ve been using to describe my journals are positive words, that bring a sense of wholesomeness and goodness and even a feeling of safety and warmth to our souls.

Whimsical — I had a roommate who loved this word. I once had cut out of a magazine a picture of a big wooden canopy bed that was in the middle of a forest; she saw it and immediately used the word ‘Whimsical’. I agreed with her.

Whimsy (Whimsical, whimsically, whimsicality, whimsicalness) can mean something that is playful or fanciful, maybe even a little impulsive, as in ‘doing something on a whim’.

Now I, myself, am not a person who indulges in whims on a regular or frequent basis — I’m too practical! — but I do like the idea of something that is playful, fanciful, free-spirited and carefree.

In Webster’s New World Dictionary it gives the definition of Whimsy as ‘Full of or characterized by whimsy; quaintly, playfully, or gently humorous.’ I like that.

Nostalgic – When I Googled the word nostalgic this was the first definition that came up: ‘A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal assocations.’

Another definition I found was, ‘Feeling happy and also slightly sad when you think about things that happened in the past’.

In essence, nostalgia can be termed as a bittersweet longing for the past.

In my personal opinion nostalgia is a good and pleasant feeling, but if we dwell on the past too much we can become dissatisfied with our present circumstances. Looking back and knowing where we came from and how we operate can give us a sense of purposefulness in our life, but living in the past, especially in our minds, can ultimately be dissatisfying and disrupting to our souls, taking away the joy of the illusive present moment we live in.

Rustic – Ah, yes. I love this word. Synonyms can be: homespun, plain, simple, homely. I like to think of the word rustic as something that is wholesome. It can also mean something that is ‘related to the country or rural’.

Who doesn’t think of something that is plain, simple and homespun when thinking of the rural countryside dotted with white farmhouses shaded by trees and a well-used barn nearby?

Style-wise the word rustic can be used to term something that is natural, rough, worn, well-loved, aged, unsophisticated or casual.

Color-wise, I typically think in terms of rustic colors being deep reds and deep oranges, burgundy, and all shades of brown. Very fall and autumn feeling.

Keepsake – I didn’t think of my journals in terms of being a ‘keepsake journal’ until recently. But they are. They are well-made and handstitched and not something you’re going to take your precious time to write in, draw in, sketch in and paste items in and then just toss. At least, that’s not the thought behind them. The journals are meant to be kept. They’re meant to become a record of your life and things you want to remember. They’re meant to help you process your life, your special moments and your daily emotions. Which is all summed up in the word ‘keepsake’.

One definition of keepsake I found was, ‘something that helps you remember a person, place or occasion.’ Hence, a ‘keepsake journal’ can help you remember people, places and special occasions in your life.

Keepsake could also be thought of as memento or memorabilia, which is closely connected to the word we looked at earlier, nostalgia.

Ephemera – This is somewhat of a new word to me, but again, I think it’s a romantic sounding word.

What is ephemera? One definition I found was, ‘Items of collectible memorabilia, typically written or printed ones, that were originally expected to have only short-term usefulness or popularity.’

From the Ephemera Society of America the definition of ephemera is, ‘vintage printed or written items which originally served some specific purpose and were not expected to be retained or preserved, but which are now cherished.’

Think ticket stubs, program books, train tickets, newspaper clippings, notes, magazine articles, etc. Ephemera is typically thoughts of as items made from paper.

Apparently the word Ephemera comes from the Greek word ephēmeros, which means ‘lasting only a day’.

In context of how the word ephemera plays into the keepsake journals I’ve been making there is a contrast. The journals are meant to be a place where you can store, ie, keep, the ephemera of your life, the short-lived paper items of your daily life, handwritten notes, cards, ticket stubs, articles, bits and bobs and turn it into a memorable collection of a life well-lived. These paper items may not mean anything to anyone else, but to you they give the feeling of nostalgia, wholesomeness and goodness that your life is, and has been, a meaningful lifefull of purpose and intention. Or maybe these small items they just give you joy and that is enough.

So there you have it, folks. Some word nerd definitions and a post on words that I think are romantic and describe the journals I’ve been making. You can find these nostalgic, rustic and whimsical journals oin my Etsy shop; find link here. Also, let me know what you think by commenting on this post below!

(Note: The Beatles song, ‘In my Life‘… has been running in my head as I’ve been writing this. ‘There are places I remember…’)

Learning From A Baby

I suddenly find myself in charge of a 13 month old.

My sister-in-law had her lung transplant last week (Hopefully I’ll write about that sometime in the near future!) and it has been a whirlwind of activity since my brother texted me last week, late at night, saying, ‘The lungs are here’.

My brother and sister-in-law have two children, a seven year old and a thirteen month old. The seven year old, Donald, was at day camp last week and this week he started school. My brother has been almost constantly at the hospital since they got the call about the lungs arriving and I’ve been holding down the fort at their house as best I can and watching Levi, their 13 month old.

Watching children and taking care of kids is not a new activity for me. As the oldest of eight children I practically grew up taking care of my siblings, especially when I was a teenager. Plus I did a boat-load of babysitting when I was a teenager and on into my twenties, not to mention church related childcare and ministry outreaches, etc. I don’t have kids of my own, but I have a lot of experience being with children.

So Levi and I have been hanging out a lot the past week and a bit. I’ve been telling people that he’s a ‘dream baby’, because honest to goodness, this kid is so easy to watch. He’s minimally fussy, sleeps for 12 straight hours at night and takes a decent nap during the day. When I put him down to sleep or a nap he *might* cry for 30 seconds to a minute, then I won’t hear a peep out of him. When he does get fussy it’s either because 1. He’s hungry, 2. He’s tired, 3. He’s thirsty, 4. He needs his diaper changed. This is all standard baby stuff, right? As the caretaker you run through the list in your head, ‘Is he tired? No, he just woke up an hour ago. Is he hungry? No, I gave him a snack after he woke up. Diaper change? Nope. Thirsty? Maybe…’ so you give the kid a drink and see if that helps.

I could add a number 5 in there, ‘Does he need to be held?’ Because all kids, at some point, just need to be held on your lap and talked to. They need cuddle time.

I’ve been thinking about this the last day or so — how does this list of baby needs translate to my life and what I need as an adult? I may be an adult human, but I am still a human with basic needs. If I start to get cranky during the day I may need to ask myself, ‘Am I tired? Am I hungry? Am I thirsty? Do I need to poop? Do I need physical affection?’.

As an adult we have words to express our needs rather than just sitting there fussing or crying about it. And we have the responsibility as adults to take care of our needs ourself or at least express them to others and ask for help to get these needs met.

As adults we also have more needs than just the ‘Hungry, Thirsty, Tired’ needs, but those are a good place to start if we are beginning to feel run down or out-of-sorts.

So I will end this short post with these questions. How are you today? What do you need? Do you need to stop and eat something? Do you need to drink more water? Do you need to take a trip to the bathroom? Do you need a nap? Do you need to take something off your schedule and replace it with nothing? Do you need a good nights sleep? Do you need cuddle time with a special someone?

Take a moment, close your eyes and breathe.

Then ask yourself, ‘What do I need today?’

Then do it.

Creating a Routine

Since being out of work for the last week or so I’m trying to get into a new daily routine.

I’m trying to put into action the things that I have had in my head. Like, when I was at work, I would think, ‘This or this is what I would be doing if I didn’t have a job’ and so now that I don’t have a job I am trying to actually do those things I was thinking about when I did have a job.

The basics of my wake-up-morning routine has stayed the same. It’s the work-from-home, the creative routine, that I’m trying to discover.

I’m trying to get into a routine that works for me and who I am creatively. Where are my peak times? When do I have the most energy? When do I have the least amount of energy? When do I feel hungry? How long should I give myself for a lunch break? How can I balance the things that need to be done vs the things that I want to do? Such as, looking for a day job vs making journals and posting them on Etsy vs family responsibilities vs making soap and keeping up with my small business duties, etc. It’s more work than you think it is. Out of a job? Yes. Bored? Nope. Not me.

Last week, early on Monday morning, I turned my key in at my former workplace then came home and made soap. I worked really, really hard last week on all the things I’ve had in my head to do. What’s next on the list? Let’s do it. No more thinking about it. If I said I didn’t have time to do these things before, well, guess what, I have time now. No excuses. ‘Not having time’ is no longer an excuse.

I’ve been giving myself daily tasks; all the things I said I couldn’t do when I had a job; I am making sure I do those things, such as posting on social media once a day in order to market myself (Don’t laugh. If you’re a creative person or maker, you know this can sometimes be difficult). Giving myself time limits for these tasks has been huge for me this past week or so. Even putting a timer on; giving myself 15 minutes, half hour, an hour and a half, two hours has been so, so, so helpful in keeping me on task and balancing the things I need to do. This is part of me finding a new creative, work-at-home routine and I am trying to be stringent about this, but not so rigid that there’s no flexibility.

I am a routine person. My husband and I are routine people. We are very time-oriented with our routines too. Although we are routine people, we have to shift with the seasons of life because life ebbs and flows and we have to be flexible even in the midst of routine.

I’m on the newsletter email list from Book Art Studios; a book bindery based in New Zealand. A lady named Liz is the owner of the company and in her most recent e-mail she sent a few tips on ‘what dto do if your art is costing you’. One of those tips was, “Create a routine (then you’ll know if you have time for extra activities)”.

In my new, without-a-job situation this really stood out to me. I am working; it’s just not a job job. I need to create a routine, so I can keep sacred my creative space and not have it trampled by this person or that person who wants me to do this or that (With or without pay). Extracurricular activities, if you will, has to be more specific and not just, ‘Oh, I’m free whenever’.

Six years ago I left my job as a receptionist at a massage studio. This was on purpose and more planned than the situation I find myself in now. However, in a way I was in this same place I was at now: wanting to explore how working for myself on creative endeavors would lead me down a path or entrprenurship or perhaps a career.

Except this time things feel very different.

This time, leaving my day job, yes, was on purpose, but it was an entirely different situation and reason for leaving and I didn’t plan it.

Not just because my reasons for leaving were not the same as six years ago, but also…just in general this time being without a job feels different because I actually have things to DO.

Six years ago, my body care business was just getting off the ground. I wasn’t blogging back then. I wasn’t even really writing. I was just starting to find a process of making handbound journals.

Now, six years later, I’ve grown and developed all of this slowly. Not fast, but slowly. Things have come out of the woodwork as far as my creative talents go and I’ve been trying to walk in them more.

Things do develop slowly. It’s the one thing at a time. It’s the showing up on a day-by-day basis. It’s the creating a daily routine and then sticking to that routine type of work that leads to growth, development and change.

If setting a creative work routine is part of me walking in the gifts and calling that God has put on me life, then that’s what I need to do.

I hope you too, friend, can make space in your life for the things that God has laid on your heart, and if that is creating a routine, well then, I hope you find it.

The Resting of Desire

I wrote this little poem — I guess it’s a poem? — earlier this year while at a farmer’s market selling my handmade aromatherapy goods. I had a little space between customers and this popped in my head; or more rather my heart. Often when I am at farmer’s markets I want to buy everything the other vendors are selling. There are so many talented people out there selling amazing products that I want to try everything. An Italian soda, a homemade chocolate-filled croissant, a leather wallet, a new t-shirt, horchata coffee, a new art print, tamales from the tamale man, an herbal tea blend, a hand-crocheted bracelet with cute little charms, new earrings…the list goes on. This happens to me on a weekly basis because I’m at the farmer’s market on a weekly basis. But earlier this year, at the beginning of the market season, it was different. *cue mood music*

I’m letting desire rest in me,

not as a

grasping,

clutching

thing, but as a contented

peace that’s

resting,

waiting,

satisfied.

Oh, the longings are there,

but I’m not

giving them

wing.

They’re there,

resting in me,

resting in You, for

You are all my desire —

if only I

knew,

realized, the fullness of what You

desire for me,

here,

now, in this place of rest,

of peace.

I’m letting desire rest in me,

for flight

at a later

time,

a later

date.

It’s here now,

for later.

The grasping nature of desire

can be

overwhelming

if I let it.

The desire for transient

stuff and things

can be unruly and

untamed and

I seek to fulfill what it wants —

sometimes to my

detriment and

chagrin.

But for now,

right here,

right now,

I’m letting desire

rest in me

being content

to have all my desires truly rest in You.

And there you have it, folks. My mediocre poem about stuff.

P.S. Who knows, maybe if I don’t find a job soon you’ll be hearing from me more often?