Grace for the Trying

Doing the best with where you’re at is not an excuse not to Try.

It’s not, ‘This is where I’m at so that’s all I can do!”, and then doing a poor job of whatever it is you’re working on and being ok with that. 

It is an acknowledgement of where you’re at in this process, project, or season of life, knowing you’re doing your best (And that it IS OK), but then pushing yourself to try just a little bit harder so you can get better and grow. 

If you were always content with where we were at, you wouldn’t get better. 

This is where growth comes in. It’s doing the best you can with where you’re at and then pushing the boundaries so you can grow, 

This does NOT mean pushing yourself to the point of exhaustion, or so you become overly frustrated with whatever project you’re working on. I see the ‘best with where you’re at’ as being the Grace portion of Trying, 

I often forget grace…I am known for pushing myself and being really hard on myself for no reason. This is not what I mean by Trying harder and pushing yourself. 

There has to be a balance; a tension between doing the Best I Know How and Trying. 

Push yourself, but remember to have grace; with where you are now, with where you want to be, and the process you are going through to get there.

Our ‘Sorry’ Culture

We live in a culture of saying ‘Sorry’…a LOT.

I preface a request while cleaning with, “Sorry, can you hand me the Comet?” instead of, ‘Can I get the Comet, please?’

When my husband and I are playing frisbee and I make a bad throw I say, “Sorry!”

In a crowd instead of ‘Excuse me” I say, “Sorry, can I get by?’ or in a conversation it’s ‘Sorry, I meant XYZ’ instead of ‘What I meant was XYZ’.

So why do I go around saying ‘Sorry”? 

One, I am human and do sin so there are legitimate times when I do need to aologize for something and say “I’m sorry”. 

Two, it’s our polite culture of apologizing for everything. This is our ‘Sorry’ culture. And everyone does it, not just me.

I wasn’t created to go around saying ‘Sorry’ in every situation and I have been trying to break myself of this habit. You weren’t created for that purpose either. 

Replacing ‘sorry’ with ‘please’ or just the question and no fillers, ‘Can you hand me the Comet?” 

Around my husband I’ve started to say, “Sorry…oh, wait, NOT sorry…but can you XYZ…”

Our sorry culture is not necessarily God’s kingdom culture; of confidence and humility together. Do we need to apologize for everything? No. 

This can apply to art and creativity too. There is no need to apologize for how you create, how you express yourself, how you work, how you see things in your head and bring them out into the world. The outcome may not be exactly what you saw in your head, but there certainly is no need to apologize for what you just made, painted, or crafted. Have confident humility with no ‘sorry’ thrown in.

Looking at Jesus and His life, He certainly didn’t go around saying ‘Sorry’ for everything. He didn’t go around aplogizing because He HAD NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR.

Although we are not perfect exactly in the way Jesus was and is, we can follow His example by living with confident humility in all we do and all we create.

Best With Where You’re At

A lot of art, a lot of creativity, a lot of life is really just about doing the best you can with where you’re at. 

I didn’t understand this as a kid. Or as a young adult. In fact, I think I’m just now getting revelation on some things from the past in regards to doing the best I can with where I’m at in life. 

I was hemming two of my dad’s shirts the other day. I told my husband, “I don’t really know what I’m doing”. Sure, I know how to sew, and yes, I’ve hemmed things before, but I don’t necessarily feel overly confident in doing so. But I do it and it doesn’t look too bad. Maybe I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing because I was never really taught by someone; I just kind of taught myself over the years and so I know enough to get by and have it look decent. 

“You’re doing the best you know how and that’s enough”, said Adam. 

And yes, he’s right. 

But for so long I didn’t know that doing my best was REALLY OK.

Growing up I never felt my best WAS enough.

My best was never good enough.

It didn’t matter how hard I tried, I always got SOMETHING wrong, whether in school or work, and was always feeling defeated. Because, growing up, no matter how hard I tried, in anything, it WASN’T good enough. But really, and I think I’ve mentioned this before, we can only do what we know what to do right then; we can only do the best we know how to do and it IS enough.

Whether in art, creativity, learning, work, school, relationships, decorating, business, socializing, etc. Our best is enough.

And that’s how we learn too.

If we were already the best at everything, we wouldn’t need to learn anything and improve and grow because we’d already BE the best. Our best where we’re at now IS good enough and as we grow and learn our best can get better.

There is a lot of freedom for me in this, especially after years of thinking that my best wasn’t enough, I am learning that I can only do what I know how to do where I’m at and that I will learn and grow otherwise.

Quick example: Communication in a work situation, if I understood things one way, but that wasn’t what the person actually meant, I’m going to do what I understood to do. Because that’s what, from the best of my knowledge, I understood what to do. If later I find that I didn’t do (Whatever it was) correctly because of a misunderstanding, am I at fault for doing it wrong because I misunderstood? Yes, because I could have clarified with the person before doing anything. No, because I was only doing my best from what I understood; not realizing I was supposed to do something different.

There’s a confidence piece here too. If I felt when I was a kid that my best wasn’t good enough, it made me feel, as I said, defeated. AND unconfident. It’s hard to feel confident in what you do, if you’re constantly thinking that what you do isn’t good enough (Because that’s what you’ve been taught). Switching this thinking, this way of living, this way of looking at yourself, your surroundings, your worldview, is really a switch in mindset. Choosing to renew your mind as the Bible says, knowing that you are blessed, that you are a child of God, that you are His workmanship and that you (And I) CAN be confident in what we do and know that as long as we do our best with where we’re at, IT IS ENOUGH.

Answers to a Loaded Question

My sister texted me over the weekend asking, “What do you think God’s doing with this whole virus?” 

I told her that was a loaded question. 😉

And here are the answers I gave her: 

  1. Slowing us down so we can hear His voice. 
  2. Giving us time with our immediate family.
  3. Making us thankful for what we have instead of running around trying to get more stuff. 
  4. Teaching us patience and respect for others (ie, wearing masks around others).
  5. Teaching us that life isn’t about us (God’s plan is bigger and things don’t work how and when we want them to). 
  6. Teaching us to praise and thank Him even when circumstances aren’t great or how we want them to be. 
  7. Giving the earth and environment a rest. 
  8. He’s shifting things, but not really sure why (It’s all coming down to His return, and it’s getting closer). 
  9. Again, slowing us down to focus on more important things (ie, time with Him) 

Now, I don’t believe death and disease is from God, however, I know that He is sovereign and that all things work according to His plan and purpose and that these are just some of the good things that are coming out a situation that is completely unprecedented (By us. COVID didn’t surprise God), out of our control and, to say the least, not good. But God is always good no matter what we’re facing…even a pandemic.

Ineffective Projects

I’ve been reading ‘Prison to Praise’ by Merlin Carothers. Not only has it boosted my faith by reading all the testimonies in the book, but I came across this passage and wanted to share. 

“Every day and wherever I went it was the same: people responding to Jesus Christ. Whenever I fell back into the habit of tring to think beforehand what I would say to someone, the results were immediate. I became tense; the power and presence of God simply didn’t flow. The principle of letting go and letting God was valid. All I had to do was relax in the presence of God, letting my mind go blank and opening my mouth in faith to speak whatever God impressed on me. Always the words spoke directly to a need, always the person was wonderfully helped. 

I marveled. I had been a pastor for many years and worked hard at it, yet I had never seen so much happen in the lives of so many in the short time since Jesus Christ invaded my being in the fullness of His Spirit. 

Without the pressures of having to prepare and organize and research and write sermon notes, I found that I had much more time to spend in Bible reading and prayer. It seems as if I suddenly had more energy than ever before, and I never had the frustrating experience of wasting time of projects that turned out to be ineffective.” 

I want that energy, that life, the experience of not wasting time on ineffective projects! 

Often that’s how I feel my life is; ‘wasting’ time on things that actually don’t matter, or I reinvent the wheel way too often, organize, reorganize, round in circles, changing this or that, tweaking things, writing down the same ideas over and over and not actually working ON the ideas to see them fleshed out (Not always, but often). 

What’s it like to not waste energy on ineffective projects? What does it look like? 

In Carother’s case it was writing sermon notes and research. Letting God work through him in faith instead of researching, he had more time for Bible reading and prayer. 

What’s it in my case? What does it look like for me to ‘let go and let God’ work through me in the area of my creativity and ideas? What will that make room for in my life? What will I see happen, or see God do through me?

What is it in your case?

Wanting vs. Enjoying

For years I’ve said things to the effect of, “I’m so lazy”, “I’m just being lazy”, “I don’t want to because I’m a lazy bum”. 

When the honest truth is, I am anything but lazy. 

I work a LOT. 

I work around the house; cleaning, cooking, gardening, etc. 

I work on my business, writing, and on various projects. 

I’m physically active, I exercise, take walks, play tennis, dance. 

I’m socially active; getting together with friends and family (More so pre-COVID).

Several years ago one of my roommates, having just moved in to my apartment, after hearing my say several times that I was lazy said, “I would not put you in the lazy category’.

Why do I think I’m lazy or say that I am? 

I think it’s not so much, “I’m lazy”, but “I don’t want to”. 

I’ve worked all day, come home, worked on my business, cleaned the bathroom, started a load of laundry, made dinner, cleaned up from dinner, taken a walk with my husband; it’s now 8:30p at night and there’s a load of laundry to be folded, but goodness gracious, I don’t want to, I’m tired, so I don’t do it with the excuse of, ‘I’m just being a lazy bum’. 

Fact of the matter is, I’m not lazy, I’m just so blamed tired from doing everything else that folding laundry at 8:30 at night isn’t something I want to do. 

 I’m NOT even a mom and I feel this way. 

Is it, “I don’t want to” or “I’m just tired”? Maybe a combination. 

When I was growing up my dad would often say, “Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do”. 

I heard it SO much growing up that I tend to think that not ‘sometimes’ we have to do things we don’t want to do, but ALL the time I have to do things I don’t want to do and so I live my life doing things I don’t really want to do. 

I read a quote from author Cynthia Voigt when I was a teenager that has stuck with me through the years; something she said about how she doesn’t do things that she doesn’t enjoy doing. If she doesn’t enjoy doing it, she just doesn’t do it. 

But I think those two things; my dad’s saying and Voigt’s quote, got mixed up in my head. 

Wanting to do something and Enjoying something are two different things. Are they not? 

I WANT to have a business, and I do have one, but when the rubber meets the road, having a business in today’s society, generally speaking, is a lot of digital marketing, being active on social media, having a super cool website, flawless IG account, sharp, vibrant images to sell your product, service or yourself, have fantastic SEO and a website that converts a bunch of stuff into cash (Right?). 

So, basically this means that I have to spend a LOT of time online, staring at a screen:

Doing research (online), 

Building a website (online), 

Taking pictures and editing them (on my phone or computer), 

Downloading and uploading things…And that’s just part of it. 

And goodness, I want to have a maker, product based business, but all I’m doing to TRYING to market myself and feeling like I suck at it. 

Because those digital marketing skills AREN’T my strengths. They’re major weakesses and I don’t ENJOY doing them. I don’t WANT to do them. And so a lot of times, I feel lazy. I don’t WANT to schedule my social media posts or write a newsletter. I don’t ENJOY doing them. But I want to have a business. Do I have to do these things in order to have a business? No. Of course not. 

I’d rather be making a book (Offline). 

I’d rather be making a batch of soap (Offline). 

I’d rather be blending a new perfume blend (Offline).

I’d rather be outside taking a walk (Because I enjoy it). 

I’d rather be writing (Ok, the one screen based activity I don’t mind for a short time. I could do pen and paper but a wordprocessor is SO MUCH FASTER. And I like typing). 

So running a creative, maker business involves, from my short experience, a lot of staring at a computer screen and tring to research and FIGURE THINGS OUT.

WANTing to do something vs. ENJOYing something? 

I want a business, but I don’t, half the time, enjoy working on my business. 

AM I playing business to my strengths or weaknesses?

I believe that I can have a thriving, ENJOYable business. 

And if you’re a creative person, I’m sure you can too.

Trendiness

I saw this quote recently, ‘Trendiness is the death of creativity.’ 

This is probably why when something is trending I stay as far away from it as possible, not even knowing WHY. This is also why I haven’t seen Titanic. Haha.

Lately I’ve felt like the fish that is swimming in the opposite direction…upstream, away from everyone and everything. 

I think most of my life I’ve felt that way and have fought it. 

But now, I’m starting to accept who I am, who God made me to be, the fish that is swimming upstream. Who is different. Who doesn’t think mainstream. Sometimes I do, but often times, not. 

I crave something real, something true. And I see so much fakeness in the world, in trendiness, in what others are going after. 

I’m starting to accept myself for who I am. Going back to the quote, does that make me more creative than others or what is trending right now? Not necessarily, but there is this aspect of creativity that if you’re just trying to fit in or do what other people are doing to get noticed, seen, fit in, make a lot of money, etc, than somewhere along the line you’re losing yourself, losing your art, your real, deep, personal, unique creativity, giving yourself over to something that won’t last. 

I feel this way, not necessarily in creativity, but just life in general. 

A personality test a few years back put me in the realm of the Nelson Mandelas and Mother Teresas of the world. I bristled, honestly. Nelson Mandela? Seriously??? I’m not like him at all. Although I admire him AND Mother Teresa, to say my personality type is like them seems way off base. But now, I think I knew what those test results are meaning. And other personality tests have said that, percentage wise, my type is the lowest…most rare, unpopular. Not that that’s a bad thing, it’s just that I think to myself, ‘No wonder I don’t feel like I fit in’. 

And that’s ok. I am who God made me to be and that is really, truly OK.

Created To

I am here, on this earth, because God wants me to be.

He chose to create me. for this time, this era and I’m not here of my own accord.

I am not alive to DO things. I wasn’t created to be a slave to my ‘projects’. I was created to give pleasure and delight to a perfect, holy God who loves me.

I do not want to be a slave of things that I want to do.

Because often I feel like I AM.

Many time I feel disappointed at the end of the day, feeling like I haven’t ‘done enough’ on my various creative pursuits or business stuff, or other things that I wanted to do. As if that’s why I’m here on earth, to get these things done…when it isn’t.

Working on my creative projects was NOT why I was created.

I wasn’t created to be a slave of these things. And I say slave because sometimes I feel this mentality of ‘I HAVE to do XYZ’….like this thing that I want to do I HAVE to do it; it won’t let me be, it drives me, it won’t let me rest or relax, it’s sometimes, often times, ceaseless. From one project, or thing I have to do, to the next, throughout the day.

But that’s not WHY I was created. I was created, I exist, because God wants me to be here, to give glory to Him, to give pleaure and delight to Him. He delights in me, myself, who I AM and not how much I DO every day. He is not worried about how much I get done on this or that project. He loves it when I take time to just rest and BE.

If you’re a slave of something there is no rest; it’s constantly work and doing.

Projects in and of themselves are not necessarily bad, it’s good to keep busy and to be creative and explore and try new things. But if that is why is driving you, but if you can’t rest from those things, or feel like you’re constantly failing to keep up on all your projects, or things you want to get done, then maybe that’s more of a slave mentality and not good.

Created to bring delight to the One who created me for His pleasure.

A Call to Write

Lately I’ve been feeling this call to write. 

Like, it’s a calling I have on my life, to write. Something I need to do, should do, have to do. 

I am a writer. I AM a writer. I am a WRITER. 

It feels weird to say that, even though I’ve been writing, or shall I say, journaling, for most of my life. Journaling is writing. I’ve always been good at expressing myself through the written word; communication through writing. Verbal, nah. Not my thing. I’m an introvert, quiet. Yeah, I’ll talk if I get to know you well enough, but I have to really feel comfortable around you and trust you. Also, how much I talk can depend on which season of life I’m in too. If I’m feeling confident, feel close to the Lord; connected with Him, then I feel like I can be a little more extroverted, open, talkative. 

But for the most part, it’s writing. 

And I’m feeling this call to write novels, blog posts, stories, non-fiction about creativity. 

I almost wonder where this call came from. And how can I juggle it with everything else I have going on? If I’m called, I’ll find a time, a way. It’ll happen. I always seem to find time to write (Even if I haven’t for a while). 


I want to help people with my writing. I want others to find freedom in their art and creativity. I want others to know how special they are. I want others to know that they are worthwhile and that what they do, what they create, is worthwhile. I want others to know about Jesus. The freedom they can have not just in their art, but freedom that comes with knowing that Jesus created them to be in relationship with Him…that is the ultimate freedom. Freedom in art and creative self-expression is just secondary.

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